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My optimism has a curfew.
Haunted Roombas? My Roomba turned itself on at 3 a.m. and whispered “revenge.”
I don’t brag; I footnote anxieties.
Carnival Games? Carnival games are scams that trade your dignity for a goldfish.
Dividend Dads? Dividend guys treat $12 payouts like retirements.
Zoom Fatigue Backgrounds? My Zoom background is a beach, but my soul is a cubicle.
Soccer Parents? Soccer parents scream like referees can hear them.
Cold Survivalists? Cold survival is freezing in fashion.
Improvised Weapon Makers? Improvised weapons are panic projects.
Camping Disasters? My tent collapsed faster than my enthusiasm for “nature.”
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