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I’m not overworked; I’m marinated in deadlines.
Slack Status Overthinkers? Your Slack status doesn’t need to be poetry—it’s work, not Tinder.
Toilet Paper Panic? The great toilet paper panic was humanity’s dumbest apocalypse drill.
Awkward Silences? Awkward silences are just conversations buffering.
My charisma is caffeine-based.
Primitive Living Fans? Primitive living is camping minus excuses.
Improv Comedy? Improv is laughing at strangers panicking with microphones.
Tweeting at Airlines? Tweeting at airlines isn’t customer service—it’s performance art.
Comedy is just truth wearing clown shoes to sneak past security.
Edible Plants? Edible plants are Russian roulette with leaves.
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