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I don’t manifest; I email the universe “circle back?”
Amateur Survivalists? My friend brought a survival kit camping—then used it to make s’mores.
Public Speaking? Public speaking is just anxiety with a microphone.
Career Advice? Career advice is “follow your passion”—straight to bankruptcy.
Record Stores? Record stores are nostalgia shops with scratches.
Overeager Salespeople? The car salesman asked, “What do you drive now?” I said, “Away.”
Pinterest Lies? My Pinterest project looked less like “farmhouse chic” and more like “crime scene rustic.”
Leadership Gurus? Leadership talks are just PowerPoints with confidence.
PR Stunts? PR is spinning dumpster fires into “growth moments.”
I’m a morning person if morning starts at noon.
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