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Social Media Detox Fakers? If you announce a social media detox, you’re not detoxing.
Capsule Wardrobes? Capsule wardrobes are minimalism disguised as boredom.
First Aid? First aid is panic with Band-Aids.
Safe Place Storage? Saying “I’ll put it somewhere safe” is code for never again.
Food Mishaps? I tried making spaghetti, but it turned out more like abstract art.
I don’t seek validation; I refresh it.
I don’t meditate; I negotiate with chaos.
Sleepwalking? I sleepwalked into the kitchen and woke up three pounds heavier.
Corporate Jargon Addiction? If you say “circle back” unironically, I circle away.
Soccer Dads? Soccer dads yell like referees can hear them.
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