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I don’t complain; I narrate trauma comedically.
Voice Assistants Gone Rogue? Alexa ordered 200 pounds of dog food just to test my patience.
Faux-Spiritual Tech Bros? Tech bros meditate like it’s a tax deduction.
Fantasy League Overdrive? Fantasy leagues are math homework with beer.
Pet Training? My dog’s trainer taught him to sit—but only on my paycheck.
My boundaries have customer service hours.
Fad Workouts? Fad workouts are gym subscriptions for regret.
I don’t get the Sunday Scaries; I subscribe annually.
Out-of-Touch Grandparents? My grandma thinks TikTok is a clock shop.
Grocery Haul Flexers? Posting your grocery haul is just Instagram’s version of receipts.
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