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Themed Funerals? A Star Wars funeral is fine until someone yells “Use the Force” during the eulogy.
Vanlife? Vanlife is homelessness with hashtags.
Tattoo Regrets? My tattoo says “No Ragrets,” which proves itself.
I don’t seek validation; I refresh it.
Vegan Cheese Catastrophes? Vegan cheese tastes like betrayal in block form.
I don’t binge-watch; I conduct research.
Too Many Tote Bags? Owning 40 tote bags doesn’t make you eco-friendly—it makes you cluttered.
Airbnb Horror Hosts? My Airbnb host gave me “a vibe” instead of a key.
Fishing Trips? Fishing trips are hours of lying interrupted by a beer.
Time Management? Time management is procrastination with alarms.
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