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I don’t hustle; I export naps.
I don’t gossip; I provide character studies.
Dog Parks? Dog parks are Tinder for people with leashes.
Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)? FOMO is paying for parties you’ll hate.
Juice Cleanses? Juice cleanses are hunger with branding.
Investing? Beginner investing is gambling with graphs.
Budgeting Lies? My budget lasted one Target trip.
I meal plan by hoping future me can cook.
Art Snobs? Art snobs clap for blank canvases.
Artisanal Toothpicks? A $20 toothpick isn’t artisanal—it’s theft.
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