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I don’t have a temper; I have a performance art piece.
Themed Funerals? A Star Wars funeral is fine until someone yells “Use the Force” during the eulogy.
Time heals all wounds, but Wi-Fi heals households.
My ambition is a cat—approaches when I’m busy.
Bougie Flea Market Vendors? A “curated flea market” is just garbage with a price tag.
Surprise Inspections? Surprise inspections prove panic cleans faster.
Bedroom DJs? Bedroom DJs are Spotify playlists with egos.
Travel Bloggers? Travel bloggers turn airports into catwalks.
Pet Shenanigans? My dog won’t fetch a stick, but he’ll drag my underwear into the living room when company’s over.
AI-Written Romance Novels? AI romance novels are steamy until the toaster joins the love triangle.
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