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I don’t argue; I do TED Talks.
I don’t ghost; I go stealth mode.
Cold Survivalists? Cold survival is freezing in fashion.
I tried being the bigger person—my jeans disagreed.
My optimism is gluten-free but collapses easily.
Dumpster Diving Influencers? Dumpster diving isn’t sustainable when you bring a ring light.
Creative Writing Addicts? Creative writing majors pay tuition to describe clouds.
Gym Embarrassment? I lifted weights so heavy, even my excuses pulled a muscle.
In-Laws? My mother-in-law doesn’t criticize my cooking, she just prays before tasting it.
Mismatched Socks Conspiracy? My washing machine eats socks—it’s part of Big Laundry.