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I don’t oversleep; I time travel.
Gif Overusers? If your entire response is gifs, you’re not funny—you’re a search engine.
Conventions? Conventions are Halloween with lanyards.
TV Bingeing? TV bingeing is laziness with plot.
Archery Fans? Archery is cosplay for Robin Hood.
Instagram Growth? Instagram growth is filters pretending to be personality.
Forgotten Anniversaries? Forgetting an anniversary isn’t a mistake—it’s a sport.
Bathroom Line Politics? Bathroom lines are Congress with less productivity.
Magic Tricks? Magic tricks are lies with applause.
Hiking Gone Wrong? My “easy trail” hike turned into an episode of Survivor.