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I don’t chase dreams; I set calendar invites.
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Crying at IKEA? If you cry at IKEA, at least pick up tissues in bulk.
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Cocktail Nerds? Cocktail nerds use more tools than NASA.
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Gender Reveals? Nothing says “it’s a boy” like setting half the county on fire.
Tattoo Regrets? My tattoo says “No Ragrets,” which proves itself.
Horrible Public Wi-Fi? Public Wi-Fi is free malware with purchase.
Shopping Experiences? Trying on jeans in a dressing room is like joining a cult—you leave questioning your entire identity.
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