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My expectations are low; my standards wear heels.
Horrible Public Wi-Fi? Public Wi-Fi is free malware with purchase.
I dance like my data plan depends on it.
Blind Dates? A blind date is just mystery meat with manners.
My hobbies include overanalyzing and snacks with alibis.
Vibe Audits? If you charge for vibe audits, you’re a con artist with glitter.
Vegan Cheese Catastrophes? Vegan cheese tastes like betrayal in block form.
Movie Marathons? A movie marathon is just a nap interrupted by explosions.
Haircare Addicts? If your bathroom has more hair products than hair, you’ve lost.
I don’t ghost; I fade like jeans.