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Outer Banks shark said bite was a political statement.
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Laguna Beach lifeguards confirmed: shark only bites anyone using the phrase “vibe check.”
Myrtle Beach victim was reenacting Jaws. Shark said, “Too soon.”
At Pismo Beach, shark bit paddleboarder, then spit out his Bluetooth speaker.
Laguna Beach shark bit a man for saying “sharks are just water dogs.”
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Pismo Beach lifeguards confirmed: shark only bites people who talk during quiet beach hours.
Coney Island shark attack halted by rogue cotton candy.
Waikiki shark got bored mid-bite and just left a Yelp comment: “Too chewy.”
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