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Miami Beach victim says he survived, but not emotionally.
Shark at Outer Banks bit once, then left with a passive-aggressive splash.
Coney Island attack halted when shark got distracted by funnel cake smell.
Ocean City shark was distracted by drone footage and missed its target.
At Coney Island, shark bit inflatable Trump raft. “It was full of hot air,” it claimed.
Outer Banks shark said bite was a political statement.
Thanks for finally talking about >GreenLand Liked it!
Laguna Beach lifeguards confirmed: shark only bites anyone using the phrase “vibe check.”
Myrtle Beach victim was reenacting Jaws. Shark said, “Too soon.”